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Questionnaire results

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:33:15 CDT

Handle	a bea c
State, province, or country of residence	Virginia
Gender	never in question for two powerful reasons. Some men never notice I have eyes behind my glasses
Age	Hurtling at light speed towards 40
Marital status	whaddayathink?!? I talk about the hubby all the time.
Number and ages of kids	girl, 6, and boy, 4.
Names and types of pets	two wacky cats.
All degrees and granting institutions	BA, econ. MBA, HR. alternate teacher licensure for career switchers. Post-bac certificate in educational technology. In short, student for life. When I retire, I want to be a student.
Social Security Number	Yes, plus national ID number from columbia. Can't say the former in Spanish, and can't say the latter in English
ATM PIN	spells a favorite word
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	I'm from Colombia, but don't make assumptions.
Birthday
Other	Favorite punctuation: I was known as "the Hypenator" at a previous job.

Handle	ac in sj
State, province, or country of residence	California. Previously, PA, FL, NC, TX, MA, GA.
Gender	F
Age	39. Actual Age: 51
Marital status	Not married, but not single.
Number and ages of kids	Ancillary parental unit to two youngsters now in their twenties.
Names and types of pets	Landlord decreed that we shall have no pets.
All degrees and granting institutions	BA in English Lit, FSU
Social Security Number	I have one.
ATM PIN	42?
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Lapsed many years ago. My flying days are now a dim memory. Not surprisingly.
Birthday
Other

Handle	annie
State, province, or country of residence	Washington, DC -- motto (really): "Taxation without Representation." I am pretty sure we don't have an official song. And I'm pretty sure if we did, it wouldn't be something I'd want to hear or sing.
Gender
Age
Marital status	Not married.
Number and ages of kids	None, to my great regret. Doting aunt to one (so far) child, 3-year-old girl, Meg aka The Nipper.
Names and types of pets	One dog, jumbo economy size, breed indeterminate but dominant themes seem to be German Shepherd with maybe some Doberman and/or collie and/or hound of some kind. All dogs love to sniff, but he really approaches it with a work ethic, like he was bred to do it. Walking him to the end of the block takes about an hour. Luke, by name. Age also uncertain, but in February, I will have had him for 7 years so probably around 8.
All degrees and granting institutions	BA, College of William and Mary
Social Security Number	None. The foundation of the modern welfare state. The government issuing you a number is as Orwellian to me as them planint a microchip in your butt at birth. "They've given you a NUMBER and taken AWAY your name. Doo doo doo dooo, doo doo doo doo." (Apologies for any tune cootie implantation.)
ATM PIN	The same as my weight, in the sense that it's a number I don't reveal except to lie about it.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Drop out. Went to a couple of flight-school classes, but found out it really wasn't my thing. Switched to Heart-Attack-Preventing Beverage school, became insturment rated almost immediately,and went on to earn numerous medals and honors. It's good to find yourself, the younger the better.
Birthday
Other

Handle	Bad Sneakers (Steely Dan song title)
State, province, or country of residence	Massachusetts (great place to live 7 months a year; November isn't one of them)
Gender	Grandmother and kitchen contractor
Age	Running in terror from the upcoming Big One, Mudge won't be alone much longer.
Marital status	Happily divorced and living in sin with "S"
Number and ages of kids	2 daughters, 40 and 37. Also two beautiful granddaughters, almost 8 and almost 6
Names and types of pets	None but two grandogs, a Great Dane and a Mastiff. When I retire I want to get an African Grey parrot.
All degrees and granting institutions	Sadly no, one year completed (history major) before getting pregnant and dropping out. Many courses taken through the years in an attempt to finish my degree, my biggest regret and one I may yet rectify.
Social Security Number	Since moving, not even sure where the card is.
ATM PIN	Yeah, right.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Well, I've been tested for it, but I'm not certified.
Birthday
Other	Favorite punctuation: I love them all except for the semicolon.

Handle	bc
State, province, or country of residence	Dazed & confused
Gender	Sex: A life-affirming activity, to partake in as often as possible. And sometimes involving a person other than myself (i.e. my spouse).
Age	Physically, younger than Mudge, older than sparks. emotionally, 12.
Marital status	whatever she says it is.
Number and ages of kids	Three girls; 15, 12, 6. don't be fooled; it only sounds like I have 30 kids.
Names and types of pets	Nautilus and Virginia
All degrees and granting institutions	BS in Ruler Trajectory Arresting from Our Lady of Inadvertent Flatulence
Social Security Number	666
ATM PIN
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Member of the 420 Mile High Club, and awarded gold Astronaut wings (ret.).
Birthday
Other	Hair: Migrating from my scalp down over my ears and neck to my back Eyes: Still working Distinguishing marks/features: Wouldn't you like to know? (Note that I did not use the word "Shamu" here.)

Handle	bigcranky
State, province, or country of residence	Tar Heel state
Gender	one or the other
Age	over 21
Marital status	M.
Number and ages of kids	1, 16
Names and types of pets
All degrees and granting institutions	BA, economics, The College of William and Mary in Virginia, some time ago
Social Security Number	yup
ATM PIN	I never remember that
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	"When I was young and foolish, I did foolish things."
Birthday
Other

Handle	byoolin
State, province, or country of residence	Canadian living in WV
Gender	m
Age	44, but ever-increasing, it seems.
Marital status	married
Number and ages of kids	1, 16
Names and types of pets	Laszlo, Beans and Miss T, all cats
All degrees and granting institutions	Celsius, Fahrenheit, Kelvin, Rankine
Social Security Number	9 digits, as is my SIN
ATM PIN	Prefer 10-pin.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Afeard of heights.
Birthday	Annually.
Other	I really thought this page would alphabetize itself by our handles.

Handle	College Parkian
State, province, or country of residence	Maryland, American in Miniature
Gender	Malaclemys terrapin
Age	40-something
Marital status	Married but Ms.
Number and ages of kids	23, 20, 13; F, F, M As mary Poppins quips, "practically perfect in every way"
Names and types of pets	Complicated, but one steady one is Spark Plugian, the wonder poodle.
All degrees and granting institutions	BA Philosophy/BS Biology; from Santa Clara (of Brandy-the-Bra Chastain-fame, DeeDee "Eyebrows" Myers, Kurt "Glasses" Rambus, and Steve Nash aka Haircut-Fund boy; MS from UMCP in Environmental Policy, random and assorted other courses, interrupted by death of two advisors and fun stuff like soccer and PTA.
Social Security Number	The next prime number
ATM PIN	Hey, I talk to tellers!
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Will fly with Pat aka Fo4 anytime.
Birthday
Other

Handle	Curmudgeon
State, province, or country of residence	Formerly Waldorf, MD. Now: somewhere east of the sun and west of the moon. Maybe New Mexico, Maybe Arizona, Maybe...Nevada? I'm not sure. I'm very thirsty, and there's this mirage on the horizon...
Sex	Not in a very, very, very long time. But if it helps any, I lost my virginity to a serving wench out in the stable behind the coach house we stayed at near Little Storping-upon-Grimsley while Geoffrey (that's G. Chaucer, Esq., comptroller to the King) and I were leading a pilgrimage to Canterbury. Boy, let me tell you, you never forget your first serving wench.
Age	Not exactly sure, but upper three digits. Anything over 700, you tend to stop counting.
Marital status	Married, 24 years to this one.
Number and ages of kids	Five: 40, 37, 26, 23, 20. Ten grandchildren ranging from 16 to 1.5 years old. Two sons-in-law, one daughter-in-law. Family title: Grand Patriarch.
Names and types of pets	None presently. Formerly was master of the hounds, which in this case were three West Highland White Terriers. Some previous experience with a minature schnauzer inherited from my brother's ex-girlfriend, and in my youth had lots of cats. Now highly allergic to felines.
All degrees and granting institutions	Let's see if I can remember them all: --S.S. degree (Squire of Scribetology), Lincolnshire School of Scribes, Jesters and Tinkers, 1356 (Go, Mighty Fighting Ink-Stained Wretches!) --Two semesters, Alchemy and Introduction to Lead-Based Transmutation of Metals, Sept., 1410--May, 1411. Flunked out for failure to memorize the periodic table of elements (earth, wind, fire and water; I kept forgetting wind). Also flunked Elements of Hermeticism and Introduction to Rosicruscianism. University of Gottingen, Lower Saxony. (Go, Mighty Fighting Lower Saxons!) --B.S., Dick Cheney Fellow of Interrogation and Advanced Torture, Torquemada College, Palencia, Castile-Leon, Spain, 1480. Majored in Rack. Asked to leave master's program for suggesting "Iron Maiden" would make a good name for the school choir. (Go, Mighty Fighting Hammers of God!) --A.A., Abacus Repair, DeVry University (correspondence program). Florence, Italy, 1621. --B.A. Swashbuckling, Dread Pirate Roberts School of Buccaneering, College of the Spanish Main, Trinidad Campus, 1702. (Junior Year Abroad Program, Barbary Coast Community College, Tunisia.) (Go, Ye Mighty Fighting Heathen Swabbies!) B.S. Journalism, Temple University, 1969 (Go, Owls!)
Social Security Number	000-00-0006 (I'm very old)
ATM PIN	00000000000000000000002 (I'm very old)
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Honorably discharged circa 1979. Distinguished Flying Cross, Distinguished Service Medal, Bronze Star, Oak Leaves, Oregano Leaves. Flew as wingman to the legendary Richard Bong. Two tours, Blue Angels. Bailed out at 37,000 feet over Muroc Air Force Base dry lakebed during aborted air brake testing program of the discontinued XJ-96 during preparations for Operation Bogart Blunt. May have been responsible for accidentally burning down Pancho Barnes' place, but not sure--it was all kinda hazy.
Birthday
Other	Hair: Salt-and-pepper. Pepper seems to be decreasing. But who am I to complain? Salt is very appropriate, being an old one. Eyes: Yes Distinguishing marks/features: Marked resemblance to Robert Redford. Scars from slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Old harpoon wound.

Handle	dbG
State, province, or country of residence	Land of a thousand Cheesesteaks (No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,...)
Gender	F
Age	Old enough to be hounded by AARP, young enough not to bite.
Marital status	The past is what it is. Happily dating.
Number and ages of kids	n/a
Names and types of pets	dbG's dogz: CG Cutter (Cutter), black lab, 8.5-14 years old, but who knows, OH farmdog stray from the shelter. Emma rose, black lab, 3 next month, from a lab rescue.
All degrees and granting institutions	B.A. (History), small rural college in PA, B.S. (ComSci), small rural college in Ohio, M.S. (CompSci), Miami-OH Typical Admin/DBA technical certs, CISA.
Social Security Number	My best friend's sister's +17
ATM PIN	Which account?
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Driving is bad enough!
Birthday
Other

Handle	dmd (uncomplicated and uncreative - that is me)
State, province, or country of residence	Ontario/GTA (says softly so as not to antagonize), provincial song - no official song but a really lame unofficial song, On-tar-i-ary-o, anyhone over the age of kindergarten has enough self esteem to refuse to sing.
Gender	female, but seriously lacking in domesticity.
Age	43
Marital status	Married happily but with big pot holes, newly repaved.
Number and ages of kids	3 - girls;
Names and types of pets	One dog (collie, shephed, husky) named after an animal in a Tim Allen Chirstmas movie, or a celestial body.
All degrees and granting institutions	BA (Law/History) from the Other university in Ottawa. Merits of distinction from the Campus Pub.
Social Security Number	Not
ATM PIN	I would give it out but only works if you deposit money.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Hesitant Trainee, gave up when discovered a fear of heights.
Birthday	June 30, 1963
Other

Handle	Dooley
State, province, or country of residence	RoVa
Gender	Gotta check on that...
Age	37
Marital status	Yes, ma'am
Number and ages of kids	1,10
Names and types of pets	Molly (half husky, half "whoever sneaked in and knocked up mamma when no one was looking") fizzgig 9St. Bernard), cats MoJo JoJo and Seahorse (don't ask), hamster Sonny
All degrees and granting institutions	BA - Geology, Carleton College; PhD-Paleontology, LSU
Social Security Number	Forgot to take that card out of my pocket when I went diving
ATM PIN	Mrs. D does not reveal that information to me
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Got a call from Homeland security when I tried to get that license.
Birthday
Other

Handle	dr
State, province, or country of residence	of mind, otherwise Alberta but my heart is in Saskatchewan
Gender	sure
Age	younger than springtime, and old enough to know better
Marital status	28
Number and ages of kids	26, 25, 22 Males. I tried to rent them out when they were younger, but never had any takers. Now that they have ripened up nicely, they are being snapped up.
Names and types of pets
All degrees and granting institutions	bachelor degree from school of hard knocks
Social Security Number	It's the same as Pat's!
ATM PIN	If I were a rich man...
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	But the ophthalmologist said I didn't have glaucoma.
Birthday
Other

Handle	ebtnut
State, province, or country of residence	Old Line
Gender	Malaclemys terrapin
Age	Even older than Mudge
Marital status	Yes, ma'am
Number and ages of kids	Not that I know of.
Names and types of pets	Bobby (large economy size tabby)
All degrees and granting institutions	U of Mudder, B.A. in Urban Studies
Social Security Number	Does it matter? will there be anything there when I'm ready?
ATM PIN	Some of these, some of those
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	The IFR hood kept giving me claustrophobia
Birthday	February
Other

Handle	Ivansmom
State, province, or country of residence	I'm an Okie
Gender	I am woman, hear me roar.
Age	46, when functioning optimally
Marital status	Yep. Ms.
Number and ages of kids	one Boy, ten (also known as the malignant agent of Chaos)
Names and types of pets	3 black Labs, formally named Dexter, Mandark, Kodak (they have "labs," see?), known collectively as Those Go***mn Animals. wild snake in attic.
All degrees and granting institutions	B.A., B.Mus, Rice; J.D. Harvard
Social Security Number	I have one.
ATM PIN	I didn't get to choose this number.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	In possibly my most atypical boomer characteristic, I have no experience - even though I was invited to the parties.
Birthday	August 30, 1960
Other

Handle	Jack
State, province, or country of residence	Palmetto
Gender	fixed
Age	old enough to know better, nearly golden
Marital status	very happily
Number and ages of kids	three: 13, in the throes of transecence, eldest girl; 10, realising that her sister's fate will soon be her own, middle girl; 6, all boy, WFO; all, along with Ms. Jack, are the center of my life.
Names and types of pets
All degrees and granting institutions	B.A., biology, Potsdam (N.Y.); M.Ed., Queens (Clt., N.C.)
Social Security Number	washed in laundry countless times
ATM PIN	rusty
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Ace (ret.)
Birthday	June 25, 1957
Other

Handle	Jumper
State, province, or country or residence	Hitler City
Gender	M
Age	30 in 1984
Marital status	s
Number and ages of kids	2
Names and types of pets	Trouble the Border cross, and Racoona the cat
All degrees and granting institutions	UF AA
Social Security Number	9 digits
ATM PIN	variation on a number
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Senior Pilot, semi-retired
Birthday	I forget (really!)
Other	World psychedelic fusion music

Handle	kbertocci a/k/a Reader (archives only)
State, province, or country of residence	south Florida
Gender	distaff and proud of it
Age	48
Marital status	married, forever and ever
Number and ages of kids	one daughter, 19
Names and types of pets	one small black cat with white whiskers, Lilith a/k/a Lily (It's not my cat! It's my daughter's cat!)
All degrees and granting institutions	B.A. in Education and French (well, that explains a lot...) from Tufts University 1980
Social Security Number	*--****
ATM PIN	four random numbers
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Ground crew only; I keep my feet firmly on the ground and occasionally break out the semaphore flags to guide one of the pilots in and ensure safe landing.
Birthday	March 12, 1958
Other

Handle	Kerric
State, province, or country of residence	AB, CA
Gender	male
Age	old enought to know better young enough not to care
Marital status	not likely
Number and ages of kids	see previous
Names and types of pets	baby fire-drake
All degrees and granting institutions	97 farenheit
Social Security Number	lost
ATM PIN	changed
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	good, able to fall from the sky
Birthday	Late November 1981
Other

Handle	l.a. lurker
State, province, or country of residence	as in "l.a."
Gender	as in "la"
Age	mid30s
Marital status	no
Number and ages of kids	nada
Names and types of pets	I am responsible for watering the mosquito fish in the little backyard pond (I live in a guest house behind a house). Their number depends on the snacking habits of local raccoons and how recently I've chlorine-burnewd them by over-watering. (Not planning to upgrade to higher animals for a while.)
All degrees and granting institutions	b.a. bay area farm; m.a., almost ph.d., from the other institution that plays at the rose bowl 9and looking forward to the humor of a diploma signed by the governator).
Social Security Number	yes
ATM PIN	always based on a previously memorized number, otherwise I cannot be held responsible.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	worrying that the diet dr pepper I'm currently drinking may cause a false positive.
Birthday	August 31
Other

Handle	mo
State, province, or country of residence	6 miles from DC on the VA side
Gender	the one that sits to potty
Age	solidly mid-30's (tho i like to think i look younger - i certainly ACT younger)
Marital status	ummm... NOT!
Number and ages of kids	none that I know of
Names and types of pets	Aristotle (1 1/2 year old black cat mutt mix); Napoleon (unknown age snake king/corn hybrid); Sid Fishous (recently RIP - blue tetra)
All degrees and granting institutions	B of Fine Arts NYU (experimental theatre/minor in photography) in the process of a MFS (forensic science from GWU in computer forensics
Social Security Number	i can only remember my last 4
ATM PIN	and i can never remember this one!
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	none - what do you want? a pp test?
Birthday
Other

Handle	mostlylurking (ironically)
State, province, or country of residence	Born and raised in western PA, then to DC area, then Seattle, then VA, MT, TX, Seattle (for good, apparently)
Gender	Mom (and a bit of a mother hen)
Age	50 something
Marital status	Married
Number and ages of kids	1 son, 25
Names and types of pets	stray black cat, sadly no horses
All degrees and granting institutions	Georgetown u dropout (major: Russian), many computer sciency courses at various colleges; no degree - always 3 years to go
Social Security Number	A big one with my name on it, I hope!
ATM PIN	I can never remember
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	retired, woud gladly grow my own if it was legal
Birthday	February 1952
Other	Favorite punctuation: The dash - I happily use the hyphen (and parentheses)

Handle	omni
State, province, or country of residence	none: I live and play in DC (I'm taxed but not represented)
Gender	XY
Age	Too old to rock and roll, too young to die
Marital status	nope
Number and ages of kids	see Marital Status
Names and types of pets	I wish I had a cat and a dog, damned landlord
All degrees and granting institutions	AA from BCCC
Social Security Number	Playing it safe with a 401K, a pension, and a Roth IRA
ATM PIN	assigned
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Makes me too paranoid to fly
Birthday	July 20, 1962
Other

Handle	Pat
State, province, or country of residence	Fairfax, VA
Gender	Male
Age	41
Marital status	Married, 17 years
Number and ages of kids	15 yo girl, 11 yo girl, 9 yo boy, 4 yo boy
Names and types of pets	black cat: Onyx, black & white cat Cookie, box turtle Shelly, Box turtle (missing right eye) Seemore.
All degrees and granting institutions	George Mason dropout
Social Security Number	123-45-6789
ATM PIN	****
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Expired Jan 2006, application for renewal still pending
Birthday	January 25, 1965
Other

Handle	PLS (my initials, not very creative)
State, province, or country of residence	Virginia since '97 (originally South Carolina)
Gender	Female vixen
Age	27, a mere babe in the woods
Marital status	Yes
Number and ages of kids	my precious 2-year-old daughter
Names and types of pets
All degrees and granting institutions	B.A., economics, cum laude with departmental honors, Hollins University; J.D. expected May 2007, Washington College of Law at American University
Social Security Number	check
ATM PIN	Don't you hate those fees?
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	You know? I am actually going to have to get a glaucoma test at the optometrist this Saturday when he "checks" my new contacts! something about that doesn't seem right. What tare the odds of a 27-year-old having glaucoma?
Birthday	September 15
Other

Handle	Raysmom
State, province, or country of residence	NoVa
Gender	XX
Age	Younger than 'Mudge, older than Scotty
Marital status	Married
Number and ages of kids	One spoiled dog
Names and types of pets	See above
All degrees and granting institutions	B.S. SUNY-B MBA, Cornell (please don't hold it against me!)
Social Security Number	check
ATM PIN	See Post-It beside computer
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Brief stint as test-pilot; retired
Birthday	check
Other

Handle	Scottynuke (the Permanently Confused) aka the Ineffective Deputy Shop Steward
State, province, or country of residence	MD (what *Tim said)
Gender	Yes
Age	Younger than "Mudge but older than mo and eons older than sparks
Marital status
Number and ages of kids	Less than a baker's dozen that I know of. The age range spans the voting age requirement.
Names and types of pets	Murphy (DLH feline approaching incontinence); Nathanne/Queen of the Mews (tabby); Stella/Round Cat (rotund tabby); Midnight / butthead / Punkinhaid / A----le (black tabby with inferiority complex compounded by severe rottenness)
All degrees and granting institutions	BA English/Jounalism, University of Nude Hampsters
Social Security Number	Greater than 2piR
ATM PIN	Am not a tailor, but am in possession of several residual straight pins from dress shirt purchases.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Permanently grounded due to fear of flying.
Birthday	September 3, 1967
Other

Handle	Shrieking Denizen
State, province, or country of residence	the other federal capital, Haute Maine
Gender	The heavy one
Age	50
Marital status	Living in sin since '84.
Number and ages of kids	2 pony riding witches and 1 fungi. 19, 17, and 12 yo
Names and types of pets	Anthracite "Anthrax" the old lab and Chrysotile "Chryso" the cat, varied rasboras, corydoras, tetras and other colourful fish. We've been feeding birds for so long that the year along trusty residents are like pets to us, so I add tens of chickadees, tens of cardinals, 2 pairs of hairy woodpeckers, a pair of downy woodpeckers, pairs of regular and red-breasted nuthatch, a bunch of mourning doves and a flock of blue jays. The crows do not trust us even if we feed them the good stuff such as mice I catch in the draughty old house.
All degrees and granting institutions	B.Applied Sc. and M.Sc. (Metallurgy) from the institution founded by the first Bishop of Nouvelle-France in 1663.
Social Security Number	9 digits
ATM PIN
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status
Birthday	August 22
Other

Handle	slyness
State, province, or country of residence	Tarheel
Gender	Failed
Age	Old enough to retire with full benefits
Marital status	In last and happy marriage
Number and ages of kids	F 24, F almost 21
Names and types of pets	Australian Shepherd (dog), 1981-1993 RIP
All degrees and granting institutions	BA English, UNC-Charlotte, MUA (That's a masters in Urban Administration), UNC-Charlotte
Social Security Number	not available
ATM PIN	Never can remember which one it is...
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	totally inactive, not my scene
Birthday
Other

Handle	superfrenchie (Please note that SuperFrenchie, with 2 caps, is the formal name and is to be used exclusively in rants and insults. I care about my dignity!)
State, province, or country of residence	Maryland, United States. has also lived in Louisiana.
Gender	Nationality: European.
Age	It's Le SuperFrenchie! Very noticeable even when wearing traditional superhero attire of underwear over tights.
Marital status	>0 Married with hot [censored] babe, but always open to suggestions (please send pic with email). note: married in 5 minutes by the Justice of Peace in Las Vegas at a cost of $35, which included $30 to bribe the witness.
Number and ages of kids	3 officially recognized children, ages 18, 15 and 5. names are Raphael, Vanessa and Sophie. Costly but worth it!
Names and types of pets	Minou (2005), Minette, and Caramelle, all supercats.
All degrees and granting institutions	Teacher's degree, from a freedom university.
Social Security Number	1 59 05 10 387 005 12 (no seriously!)
ATM PIN	4957, but why do you wanna know?
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Revoked, after officials learned of my membership in the Rocky Horror Picture Show Official Fan Club.
Birthday
Other

Handle	Sciencetim/Tim/StorytellerTim occasionally: ConceptualTim, TravelerTim
State, province, or country of residence	Maryland, the Free State, the Mid-Atlantic State with a Truly Appalling State song
Gender	maleepsilon
Age	>0
Marital status	1 ScienceSpouse, no others
Number and ages of kids	>0, >0 (that's not an emoticon, that's mathematical shorthand).
Names and types of pets	Cats. Dog. Snake. Fish(es). names too numberous to enumerate.
All degrees and granting institutions	B.A., M.S., PhD. from Johns H.'s Diploma Mill and Medical Device Factory
Social Security Number	yeah, right
ATM PIN	more humor!
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	I never paid my tuition, so I never go to start flight training.
Birthday	June 18, 1962
Other

Handle	SonofCarl
State, province, or country of residence	Prairie Rose Province, arch-nemesis of the GTA, source of N.A.'s energy independence, scourge of planetary ecosystems, Saskatchewan on steroids, B.C. on methadone
Gender	life-affirmer
Age	Under 40, but long past "cool"
Marital status	M. Ever notice that marital is an anagram of martial?
Number and ages of kids	1,1
Names and types of pets
All degrees and granting institutions	B.Comm, LL.B. (Alberta)
Social Security Number	Foreign, remember? BTW, did you know that the corporate tax rate in Alberta is 34%?
ATM PIN	Is there someone caught in an ATM machine in a burning building? (Seinfeld reference)
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	assigned to Project Blue Book; file Classified.
Birthday	May 11
Other

Handle	TBG
State, province, or country of residence	Born in the District of Columbia (none of the above, please note); raised in Northern Virginia
Gender	Mom
Age	Still in my 40's
Marital status	Married to DBG (but not the boodle's dbG)
Number and ages of kids	Son of G (18); Little G (13)
Names and types of pets	Molly, the fat cat
All degrees and granting institutions	Lotsa BS, Poli Sci, large state cow college
Social Security Number	000-00-0001
ATM PIN	Hat or stick (or lapel)
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Funny you should ask...Retired
Birthday	December 22
Other	Favorite punctuation: The semi-colon

Handle	Wilbrod (the Gnome)
State, province, or country of residence	Indecision, Confusion, Cockayne
Gender	No.
Age	Younger than 'Mudge, but everybody is, except Robert Reford. Mo thinks I'm younger than her. Could be. Not.
Marital status	Not.
Number and ages of kids	N/A. don't keep goats.
Names and types of pets	None. I do have a service dog that owns me.
All degrees and granting institutions	BA Biology, Gollyurdeaf U. I'm supposed to ahve one? Uh-oh. you never saw me, okay? (Ducking back into cupboard). Give
Social Security Number	Give me yours, so I can figure out what this strange american term is supposed to be.
ATM PIN
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	This licensing program doesn't exist in Cockayne. For a glimpse of this fair land: www.intofinert.com/htmlimg
Birthday
Other

Handle	Wilbrodog
State, province, or country of residence	Boredom. When will this computer get smell-o-rama?
Gender	Neutered
Age	Two winters old, as the natives say.
Marital status	Sure, like the law allows me to marry.
Number and ages of kids	Kids? Where?
Names and types of pets	Wilbrod (a high-maintenance gnome)
All degrees and granting institutions	CGC, american Kennel Club; HHB; Achenblog. Body temperature: 101 Farenheit.
Social Security Number	Not allowed by law. I still have to do taxes when I turn 4, though. www.dogware.com/1040-DOG.htm
ATM PIN	I don't handle pins. Only pencils, pen, chocolate bars, clothes, etc.
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Again, not allowed by law, although there are some dogs who have been busted as illegal test pilots in Canada, although I don't know how you can tell if a dog's too happy and spaced out. www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2006/09/06/bc-dogs-marijuana.html?ref=rss
Birthday
Other

Handle	Jumper
State, province, or country of residence	Hitler City
Gender	M
Age	30 in 1984
Marital status	s
Number and ages of kids	2
Names and types of pets	Trouble the Border cross, and Racoona the cat
All degrees and granting institutions	UF AA
Social Security Number	9 digits
ATM PIN	variation on a number
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status	Senior Pilot, semi-retired
Birthday	I forget (really!)
Other	World psychedelic fusion music

Handle
State, province, or country of residence
Gender
Age
Marital status
Number and ages of kids
Names and types of pets
All degrees and granting institutions
Social Security Number
ATM PIN
Glaucoma Test Pilot License Status
Birthday
Other

These questions were based on a survey taken in November 2006 and is for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Boodlers and Birthdays

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:28:39 CDT

See the master calendar

a-bea-c - July 26
Achenblog - January 17, 2005
Aroc - March 3. 1954
Artist Alice - August 24, 1987
Bob S. - April 8
BPH - August 23, 2005
The Boodle - April 7, 2005
Cassandra S - June 12

College Parkian January 22
Curmudgeon - August 24, 1946
DLD - April 13, 1949
dmd -June 30, 1963
dr - January 4, 1968
ebtnut - February
FirstTimeBlogger - August 29, 1946
ivansmom - August 30, 1960
Jack - June 25, 1957
kbertocci - March 12, 1958
Kerric - November 30, 1981
L.A. Lurker - August 31
Loomis - May 16, 1951
Mo - September 2, 1971
mostlylurking - February 1954
nelson - November 2, 1958
omni - July 20, 1962
Pat - January 25, 1965
PLS - September 15
Sara - September 6, 1984
Scottynuke - September 3, 1967
Shrieking Denizen - August 22
Son of Carl - May 11
stampede - March 3, 1958
Tim - June 18, 1962
yellojkt - February 20

Blogs Of Boodlers

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:21:40 CDT

bc - bc's playhouse
TBG -TBG Boodler
yellojkt -Foma*
kbertocci - Read-Think-Live
Jumper -Jumper's Journal
dr -Needles and Things
Yoki - Yoki's Kitchen
Wilbrod - Wilbrod The Gnome
Wilbrodog - Wilbrodog's Dog House
frostbitten -Not Suing
Sara -Discovering Sara
Pixel - Computers, Cocktails & Conversation
Storyteller Tim - ?
Dooley -Updates From The Vertebrate Paleontology Lab
mostlylurking - Sue's Thoughts
Error Flynn - Error in 2008 (in memoriam)
a bea c - ITRT News
dmd - dmd's garden

Achenblog FAQ

Anonymous — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 08:17:34 CDT

Copied from Mo's Den of Darkness blog

The Achendictionary - a quick reference guide to the Achenspeak on the Achenblog

AABB - (Always A Boodle Behind) (not to be confused with ABBA) - not keeping up with the boodle. We are a loquacious bunch!
Achenaddict - one who is addicted to the Achenblog.
Achenara, Achenlater, Achenawhile, bachenawhile - farewell to the boodle.
Achenblog - a blog run by Joel Achenbach on washingpost.com.
Achenbloghogging - posting an inordinate number of comments.
Achenbook - a book authored by Joel himself, can be hard to find because they’re out of print.
Achenbro - Joel’s brother, Kevin, who is in a band called Rox Diamond.
Achenembarrassing - an embarrassing comment made in connection with the Achenblog.
Achenhead - headache.
Achenphotographer - the official photographer of the BPH - currently mo.
Achensecret - secrets said at the BPH not to be repeated at the Achenblog.
Achenshy - shy, especially with regard to attending the Porching Hour or boodling.
AHRRP - Achenblog Handle Reharvesting/Reallocation Program, a phenomenon
whereby an individual (possibly the ‘loper) would go back to old Boodles to find apparently abandoned handles that would later be adopted as his/her own. Handles acquired in this manner include “Observer” and “sweetiefur.”
Bcfauxlettres - the fake letters bc advised we send to various members of the
government.
Blorph - 1. Jim Beam; popular with omnibad. 2. The sound made whilst in the vicinity of Jim Beam. 3. a general “feh” statement.
Boddle - boodling gone wrong.
Boodle - (short for Kaboodle) the comments section of the Achenblog.
Boodle Porching Hour (or BPH) - Happy Hour for D.C. Boodlers (disclaimer - anyone is
invited but must provide their own airfare and/or lodging).
Boodler - a person who posts comments in the Boodle.
Boodle Killer - the last person to boodle before a significant lag time in others boodling is sometimes accused of being a Boodle Killer. Joel likes to think his appearance in the Boodle has a tendency to kill the Boodle. He is wrong.
Boodling - the act of posting a comment on the Achenblog.
Boodling Out Of Order (or BOOO) - When someone posts a comment in response to a
previous comment, but another comment is posted in between the two comments, making the comment look inappropriate or irrelevant.
Boodleville, Boodleborough, Porchville - names of places used by boodlers posting in other venues.
Bunker - Where the boodle hunkers down when the crazies appear through a front-page link (see "Front-page alert"). The bunker apparently houses several rooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, many comfortable chairs and is decorated with doilies, antler-themed decor and artwork featuring jet fighters. No Thomas Kinkade paintings allowed.
Burnt umber - color to be worn on National Umbrage Day; also a Crayola crayon color.
Dawn Patrol - The Boodlers that post comments before normal people have had a cup of coffee.
Dork - nerd; often used to describe frequent boodlers by those that are less than loquacious.
Error in '08 - Planned presidential campaign of Error Flynn, whose premature death at age 47 in 2007 proved that imaginary friends are very real.
*Faxing ....[X] to [Y]* - The method of transferring items from boodler to boodler, across time and space. Use of asterisks denotes action.
FBBI - Federal Bureau of Boodle Investigations, established in response to the Interloper
Problem. Currently Achenfan is the official investigator as well as the Queen of the Boodle.
Feats of Strength - Under the Seinfeld orthodoxy, Festivus is not over until the
head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned. This typically follows “the airing of grievances.”
Feh - an exclamation similar to “darn”, generally follows an scc statement.
Festivus - a “Seinfeld” term; an alternative to Christmas that includes “the airing
of grievances” and a “Festivus pole”; Boodlers received Festivus gifts from bc at the 3rd Official Boodle Porching Hour on December 6, 2005.
Front-page alert - Notice that it's time to head into the bunker.
FSM - Flying Spaghetti Monster or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster;
an alternative explanation for how the world came into being, in the context of evolution vs. intelligent design discussions. According to the official site “The Flying Spaghetti Monster: An invisible and undetectable being made of spaghetti and meatballs, the Flying Spaghetti Monster claims to be the true creator of the universe and life on Earth; all evidence of evolution or other origins of life, his followers, the Pastafarians, say, are tricks to throw off the unbeliever. The FSM’s hobbies include flying through the universe, touching things with his noodly appendage and pissing off proponents of intelligent design creation theories. He could be defeated by common sense or acceptance of basic scientific principles, if only either of those things existed.”
Glaucoma Test Pilot: One who partakes of a particularly magical herb by smoking it or making it a secret ingredient in yummy brownies (bet ya can't eat just one). GTPs are easily amused and are often found in dark basements observing how lint glows on their concert t-shirts under a black light to the accompaniment of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon". They are also known to congregate at Phish concerts.
GTP Motto: "Dude... I am sooooooo high. Like where's my car?"
Hal the Schemer - creator of the Achenblog and sometimes technical advisor - always trying to find a way to take over the blog.
Handle - Name by which a poster is known on the Achenblog.
Higgs Ocean - a metaphorical twist on the theoretical Higgs Field, which permeates the universe and gives mass to particles. The Ocean is treated as the fabric of the universe, where everything - matter, mass, energy, thought, etc. - propagates waves of one sort or another in the Ocean.
Interloper (’loper) - Person who posts under other people’s handles, changes a handle to insult a boodler and/or makes rude comments.
It's dead, Jim - Comment made after the boodle has been quiet for a long period of time. Based on the words uttered often by Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy on Star Trek.
Kit - Joel’s blog entries.
Kit and Kaboodle - the whole Blog — both Joel’s contribution and the comments.
Kaboodle - the comments section of the blog (shortened to boodle).
LindaLoo’s Family Tree - simply put, Linda Loomis is related to everyone. Period.
Manfood- Food to which masculine men restrict their diets. Must be artery clogging and
have walked on at least two legs. One exception to this rule is quiche. Quiche is not manfood. Salad may only be considered manfood if it contains red meat.
Mianus - The center of the Boodleverse
National Speak Like a Pirate Day - September 19 (ARGH!)
National Umbrage Day - a day on which many Boodlers took umbrage at various
comments of other Boodlers (this year is was October 31, yes, Halloween) possibly because of a strong ‘loper presence that day.

New Kit! - Alert that there is a new blog post. It is considered bad Boodle etiquette to post on the new Boodle before alerting the others that it exists.

Observer, Observerism - (the O must always be capital) a concept based on quantum mechanics and special relativity that all sentient beings in the universe have equally valid perceptions of reality. Individual perceptions do not have to agree; in fact, most of the time, they don’t. Observerism does not rule out the possibility of an Ultimate Objective Observer. If anyone Observes It, please post to the ‘boodle immediately and notify your local Homeland Security Office.
Onanism - ummm… let’s just say self-gratification.
Ouroboros, Ouroborosian - An Observation that the the Web/’net/blogosphere is like the classical Ouroboros symbols of a serpent eating it’s own tail. Cyclical, self-referential, self-propagating and self-consuming. Any references to Alchemy or Egyptian, Greek, Norse, Christian, Far Eastern, Native American, or Satanist cultures, myths or gnosticisms is purely intentional.
Permalink - a devious otherwordly Hal the Schemer invention. Purpose is not yet known, though it is thought that the purpose may be to take over the world. The appearance of permalinks may indicate the end of times is approaching, as they appeared December 15, 2005 and the blog broke December 16, 2005 thus leaving many an achenaddict fiending.
Porching - sitting on a porch, OR, attending the Porching Hour, i.e., drinking.
Raj - Alternative name for the Boodle, proposed by Joel when the term “Boodle” was
starting to sound a bit old; short for Garage, the idea being that the Kit would be called the Garret; lends itself well to the term “Raj Rage.” um… notsomuch - didn’t really catch on.
SAO 15 - (now defunct) Select Audience Of 15, the number of participants Joel
initially envisioned his blog would attract. According to Joel, “Ideally the blog will have only about 15 readers, but very intellectual, refined, sensitive readers between the ages of 18 and 35 and with large amounts of disposable income.”
SCC - Self-Castigation Club, a means by which Boodlers correct their own typos
and grammatical errors, but no-one else’s, except Joel’s.
Snarky - 1. a characteristic of squirrels; one of the Boodlers is in fact called Snarky
Squirrel 2. v. being snippy or crabby; “Don’t be snarky with me!”
Tai Shan - THE Panda cub at the National Zoo and possible boodle mascot - that’s still
up in the air.
Tempel 1 - A comet attacked by NASA and the Bush Administration last July 4th in Operation Deep Impact. Some ‘boodlers are considering setting up a summer homes and a good bar (to be called the Hellbar) there with the pending settlement from a lawsuit against the US Government for their unwarranted bombing. The remaining funds will be handed over to the evolving Ashton Kutcher/Britney Spears-based Sea Monkeys who were put there by unscrupulous genetic scientists from an unnamed Far Eastern country. These creatures are not currently known to be al Quaida members or Insurgents.
THE Porch - Joel’s porch, also known as the Achenporch.
THE Tom - Tom Shroder, editor of the Magazine.
Tom the Butcher - Weingarten’s name for Tom Shroder.
Tom the Surgeon - Tom Shroder’s preferred nickname.
Umbrage - Offense, issue; umbrage is usually taken in a lighthearted way on the Achenblog.
Widdershins - technically it means counterclockwise; the wrong way; however in certain circumstances it can be used to refer to a direction which is against the light, i.e. where you are unable to see your shadow ie. “I am up to my widdershins in xyz” - it doesn’t really matter what it means - it just sounds good.
Worlds Colliding- The occasional visit of a Significant Other to the Achenblog for mild harassment purposes. Also known as breaching the boodle.

Go To Achenblog

Thinking of the Holidays, Genius Flyaway Hair, Shakespeare and the Boodle...

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:14:34 CDT

Thinking of the Holidays, Genius Flyaway Hair, Shakespeare and the Boodle... KING JOEL V:
What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Weingarten? No, my fair cousin:
If we are mark'd to Blog, to Kit as it were, we are enow
To do the WaPo's loss; and if to live,
The fewer journalists, the greater share of online umbrage.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one journo, not one Blogger more.
By Graham, I am not covetous for Pulitzers,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my Kits or Trails or front page features;
It yearns me not if readers my musings read;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to covet links from other Blogs or Technocrati rankings,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a Blogger from the Blogosfear:
Observer's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one reader more, methinks, would share from me
For the best editing I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Weingarten, through my host,
That those who hath no stomach to these Comments,
Let them depart; their logout shall be made
And Loonies or Lindens for their ISP put into their PayPal account:
We would not Boodle in that user's company
That fears his fellowship to Boodle with us.
This day is called the feast of the Holiday Boodle Porching Hour, and we come to toast Error Flynn:
Those that outlive this BPH, and come safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Error Flynn.
Those that shall Blog this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is the Holiday BPH:'
Then will strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Error Flynn's day.'
Old Bloggers forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But they'll remember with advantages
What Comments we made that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in this Blog as household words
Curmudgeon the Ancient Mariner, kbertocci and TBG,
Cassandra and Loomis, RD Padouk and Scottynuke,
Science Tim and yellojkt, Wilbrod and Slyness,
Dmd and dBG, Raysmom and Ivansmom, College Parkian and frosti,
Omni and Dave of the Coonties, Yoki and boko999,
Martooni and dr, Nellie and Maggie 'O, greenwithenvy and mostlylurking,
SonofCarl and byoolin, LostinThought and Jumper,
And all the rest that have come and gone,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good parents teach their children;
And thoughts of the Boodle shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the Internet or Western Civilization [Whichever comes first, or should one cause the other. YMMV.],
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of Boodlers;
For you to-day that shed your blood, thoughts and words with me
Shall be my brother or sister; be you ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle your condition:
And Bloggers in the Blogosphere now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their keyboards cheap whiles any speaks
That Boodled with us upon Error Flynn's day. [Exeunt] bc

Posted by: bc | November 14, 2007 12:59 PM

Dang, I realize here that I posted the wrong version of Joel's "Band of Boodlers" speech. With that, here's an SCC: "...SonofCarl and byoolin, LostinThought and Jumper,
jack and bill everything, shrieking denizen and k-guy,
CowTown and rainforest and ebtnut,
jw and Dreamer, Annie and even You Know Who
And all the rest that have come and gone..." bc

Posted by: bc | November 14, 2007 01:33 PM

Band of Brothers

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:11:33 CDT

There is no abstract available for this page revision.

Ode to Mertz

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:04:48 CDT

Ode to Xavier Mertz (1883-1913) Now gather round, children, pay heed to my wertz
As I tell you the story of Xavier Mertz,
The first man to die of Vitamin A,
A week after New Year's (1913); it happened this way: Now Xavier was born in the Swiss town of Basle,
Went to law school, got worn to a frasle,
Decided a trip to the frozen Antarctic
Might do him some good, might be highly catharctic. Signed up to explore with Mawson and Ninnis,
Never quite knowing it might be his finis.
It'll be cold, said Mawson to Mertz,
So pack up your long johns, and a few extra shertz. So off they all went, to the Queen Mary Coast
To make better maps of that foreign outpost.
Says Mawson to Mertz, "You're in charge of the dogs;
They're here to pull sleds; I'm not doin' no jogs." The dogs came from Greenland, the kind used by Amundsen,
Who explored to the north of the bay named for Hudson.
Called Grønlandshunden by the Danes, they're a kind of a Spitz,
Who hunt seals and bears, and chew 'em to bitz. Whilst crossing a glacier named for Lieutenant Ninnis
Ninnis fell into a crevice,
Causing Mertz to wonder who his next-of-kin is.
Also into the abyss went the food and their canvas yurts
Leaving homeless and tentless poor Mawson and Mertz. Three hundred and fifteen miles from camp, quite a pickle,
The chances for both weren't worth a plugged nickel.
They set out for home, though it was quite far,
And on the way dined on sled dog tartare. Spitz liver puppy chow didn't sitz well with Mertz,
Who on the first of the New Year (1913) to Mawson he blurtz,
"I think I don't feel good; my tummy hurtz."
Says Mawson, "Try some breathe mints, like Certs." For six days they rode, the sled going slower
As they ate up their sled team, morale growing lower.
One by one they ate up their dogs, these polar expertz,
'Till one day he died, did Xavier Mertz. Only one hundred miles from camp lay poor Mertz
Whence Mawson pronounced him ashes to ashes, and dirtz to dirtz.
How'd Mawson survive, clinging to life oh so precious?
Eschewing the livers he'd gnawed the paws that refreshes. Curmudgeon, Thursday, February 28, 2008

Birthday Calendar

Anonymous — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 21:28:58 CDT

[Month] [Year]

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
1

January 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
		1 New Year's Day	2	3	4	5
6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21 Martin Luther King Jr. Day	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30	31

February 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14 Valentine's Day	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28	29

March 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
						1
2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15 St. Patrick's Day
16	17	18	19	20	21	22
23	24	25	26	27	28	29
30	31

April 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
		1	2	3	4	5
6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13 DLD	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30

May 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26 Memorial Day	27	28	29	30	31

June 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12 Cassandra S	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30

July 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
		1	2	3	4 Independence Day	5
6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30	31

August 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28	29	30
31

September 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
	1 Labor Day	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
28	29	30

October 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
			1	2	3	4 Mega BPH
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13 Columbus Day	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	31 Halloween

November 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
						1
2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11 Veteran's Day	12	13	14	15
16	17	18	19	20	21	22
23	24	25	26	27 Thanksgiving Day	28	29
30

December 2008

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25 Christmas Day	26	27
28	29	30	31

Sonic Disruptor

kbertocci — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:25:37 CDT

First published here

Actually, bc, I was indeed involved in Project Excalibur, although it was top secret, so I can't talk about it (in response to your post at 4:42 today, and SonofCarl's original post at 2:59 p.m.). Ah, what the hell--it's been nearly 200 years, I guess that stupid thing must be declassified by now. Anyway, if I tell you about it, what can they do? Throw me in jail?

This is going to be a long post, so boodlers may feel free to skim past it. Anyway, first things first. The sonic disruptor was not powered by methane, as you conjectured (methane is much too smelly, for one thing) but by beer. Yes, but not your average European beer, but a 100-percent all-American (well, North American) 178-proof belly-ripping brainstopper that would cross your eyes and leave you with a headache the next morning the likes of which you just wouldn't countenance. As you know, King George III (or G3 as we liked to call him) was mad as a hatter whose fez got shrunk in a Boston nor'easter. Well, it was G3's idea one year to create a special technology task force to develop a special weapons division at Smedlington-'pon-Tipsley, on the banks of the River Chortle. It was there that prototypes of the now-infamous sonic disruptor were designed and built. The first version, of course, was a wood-burning model, sort of a proof-of-concept thing, but of course was totally impractical, because you can hardly have a secret weapon that first requires several hundred stout yeoman to go out into the woods and chop down several hundred metric tonnes of firewood to power the damn thing. Takes too long and anyway the enemy would say, "By jove and yoicks, see that massive column of black smoke over yonder? The bloody enemy are firing up their sonic disruption weapon. I daresay we shall experience a surprise attack in another day or two."

Well, you can't have that now, can you?

So work continued. Steam was tried but with similar results. Candles? Zip. Toasted cheese? Actually counterproductive. Oil pressed from the glands of ferrets? Too smokey. Even methane was tested and rejected because if the wind was blowing from the wrong direction, the enemy would smell the sonic disruptor warming up. Finally, one day down at the pub, one of the discouraged engineers had a brainstorm (which was actually sitting in a tall mug in front of him): A nice room-temperature Watney's ale. Its potency would have to be dramatically increased, of course, but industrial chemists soon found ways to boost it to 178 proof by using special blends of brewers yeast and lengthening the fermentation period to three fortnights, a furlong, and two tuppences. Consequently, as you might imagine, man, did that stuff have a head on it. Wooo-eeee. It was like that urethane foam insulation they spray in your attic.

So the main source of fuel and power for the sonic disruptor was discovered and a new prototype was built. But where to test it? Obviously not in Smedlington-'pon-Tipsley--why, such an infernal device would obliterate a good bit of the Cotswolds! The obvious solution was to pack up the thing in crates and ship it to Canada for final assembly and testing. A secret base was established near York (yes, now Toronto, as you point out), called Area XXXXVVI (the king always wanted everything spelled out for him the long way, and wouldn't abide abbreviating it down to the much more reader-friendly version, Area LI). Now, at this time I was a stringer for a couple of papers, the Liverpool Lackey back in England, and its North American "zone" edition, the Saskatoon Grit-Picayune, covering the Great Lakes region, St. Lawrence canal, Northwest Territory, etc. A few years earlier, I had even interviewed Clark of Lewis and Clark fame. Lewis wouldn't come out of his tent, and claimed to be suffering from ill humours. There was a lot of moaning sounds coming from his tent, and Sacagawea (I use the old proper spelling of her name, not Sacajawea that Dye and Biddle screwed up, those clowns) was in there with him apparently trying to ease the pain. He must have had quite a fever, because I distinctly heard him beg her to "prime his powderhorn." I figured it was the delirium speaking. The next morning he was remarkably recovered, though, and even had a kind of spring in his step. (You see how I was a keen observer of the human scene back then.) They set out in their canoes down the river headed west in search of the Pacific, and I made a prophetic note in my reporter's notebook I can remember to this day: "Boy, guess we'll never see THOSE guys again."

But I digress. Neither the Lackey nor the Pick-a-tune (as we affectionately nicknamed the ol' Grit-Picayune) paid worth a farthing, typical rags that they were, so I was augmenting my income as I traveled around the region by selling firewater to the Indians (hey, don't give me that look; a man's gotta make a living, and everyone knows journalists are moral scum). I was getting close to deadline and was worried about filing some sort of story. (Due to the slow speed of communication back then, shipping my parchment scribblings down the St. Lawrence and then across the Atlantic to Liverpool took so long that my deadline was "autumn." File your story even one day after the first frost, and you missed the deadline and had to face an angry editor as well as the snickering of your colleagues, who had filed THEIR stuff no later than late harvest, the suck-ups.) So there I was, thrashing through the wilderness, when I came upon Area XXXXVVI and the top secret testing facility where the sonic disruptor had just been completed. The place was surrounded by a tall split-rail fence that was electrified by Leyden jars every couple dozen feet. Fortunately, I managed to climb through the split-rail fence without getting electrocuted. When I got to the test facility, there was the sonic disruptor being loaded onto a giant sled so it could be dragged down a plank road that led in a southerly direction into the primeval forest. I had my press pass stuck in the band of my coonskin cap, of course, and after showing the British soldiers and engineers my press credentials, they told me they were shipping the sonic disruptor off for its first field test. I begged and pleaded to be allowed to come along on the expedition, and they reluctantly agreed to "embed" me, only because my deadline was autumn, and there wasn't much chance my story would hit the streets--well, the footpaths--before the test. So there I was, embedded with a British Army unit in one of the greatest scientific endeavors of the age.

It turns out the British were a bit skeptical about how the sonic disruptor was going to work, so they came up with a scheme to deliver the weapon to a tribe of Shawnee Indians down in Indiana, led by a chief named Tecumseh. Yes, that Tecumseh. The British thinking was, best case scenario, the weapon works and Tecumseh and his folks defeat the Americans. Worst case scenario, the weapon backfires in some way or malfunctions, blowing up and killing a bunch of Indians and one embedded pesky ink-stained wretch from the fourth estate--moi. Meanwhile, the British soldiers and engineers are a hundred miles away, out of harm's way.

So the British turned the sonic disruptor over to Tecumseh and his people, and beat a hasty retreat back to Canada, all as SonofCarl said. The Indians were initially pretty skeptical of me, but then I showed them a secret about the sonic disruptor. You may remember I said it was powered by a souped-up version of British dark beer, about 10,000 gallons of it. Well, it was darned hard work dragging that thing through the wilderness back home to the banks of the Wabash, and I had burned through my per diem long ago, so I started selling some of that beer to the Indians. Every couple of hours we stop for a rest, and I'd open up the tap, we'd all have a couple of snorts, fall asleep, wake up with awful pounding migraines, and proceed on our not-so-merry way. The good news was, every time we stopped to drain off some lager, the sonic disruptor got lighter in weight and was that much easier to drag. And Tecumseh had him a medicine man who had interned in pharmacology at Johns Hopkins. Aspirin hadn't yet been invented, but the medicine man, a skillful hunter named Tom-Tom Sun, had found a way to use roots and barks to make an early form of acetaminophen. When hunter Tom-Tom Sun mixed the acetaminophen with a couple drops of laudanum (which was basically opium dissolved in alcohol), he had a pretty powerful headache medicine that would not only kill the migraine but give you a pretty good buzz, if not put you into a sound sleep. I gotta say, that hunter, Tom-Tom Sun, was one conscientious medicine man. He tested that formula every which way--injected it, smoked in a peace pipe, drank it, made pills out of it, stuffed it up his nose; he even made a bong out of piece of pipe from the sonic disruptor. You name it, hunter Tom-Tom Sun experimented with his special headache medicine until he got it dead right. And he didn't just test it on his fellow Indians; no sir, he tested it on himself, repeatedly, by drinking more sonic disruptor beer than anybody else, and then taking large quantities of his elixir until he turned himself into a zombie. That was one dedicated medicine man.
Well, there came a day as we neared Prophetstown, Indiana, that our advance scouts reported the approach of the American force, led by Gen. William Henry Harrison, who was governor of the Indiana Territory. (Little-known fact: It was Harrison who coined the phrase, "Hey, baby, Hoosier daddy?") This was in early November, and it was getting pretty cold; Tecumseh himself had gone far to the south, ostensibly to recruit more Indians to his Indian confederation, but I was skeptical, since he always seemed to spend the winter trying to talk the Miami Indians into coming north, returning every year empty-handed after Spring Break. The night before the battle, the Shawnees were pretty hepped up about the coming fight. I opened up the taps that night to help them ward off the cold, and I guess we overdid things. That night around the Shawnee campfires, it was like the toga scene from Animal House. I mean we all got blasted. Blitzed. Blotto. During the long march down from York we had pretty much drained most of the beer from the sonic disruptor, and what little was left by the time we got to the Tippecanoe River we polished off that evening. The next morning, the Shawnees were one hung-over bunch of sad-sack Indians; I confess I was considerably under the weather myself. There was a small snowfall during the pre-dawn hours, and the sound of those snowflakes crashing into the earth was positively deafening. Hunter Tom-Tom Sun handed out copious amount of his laudanum-laced acetaminophen, but it was too little too late. You all know what happened next.
Harrison and his troops attacked and utterly defeated the Shawnees at what history now calls the Battle of Tippecanoe. We'll never know how that battle might have gone had the Indians not been so drunk, or hung over, or stoned out of their minds on hunter Tom-Tom Sun's medicine. Tecumseh's war against the Americans continued on, of course, and melded into the War of 1812, which began the next year. And Harrison, now a war hero, when on to become president of the United States using the famous battlecry from that cold, miserable day in November, 1811: "Tippecanoe and Tylenol II."

Epilogue

I never did tell you the secret of how the sonic disruptor worked--or was supposed to work. As SonofCarl noted in his post, the sonic disruptor was supposed to unleash a giant earthquake, which would unhinge the enemy and unseat him from his horse, if he happened to be riding one at the time. The ground would shake, trees would topple, chasms in the earth would open up, and so on. Here's how the disruptor really was designed to work. Next to the huge wrought-iron tank that held the beer was a giant bladder made out of stomach lining from sheep raised in the Orkney Isles of Scotland; think of it as a giant bagpipe device, or perhaps an exploding haggis (not a pretty picture, I know, but then, war isn't pretty). At the critical moment the weapon was supposed to be fired, a small container of enzymes and chemicals was to be plunged into the tank of high-test, high-octane brewski. You all know what the byproduct of drinking a lot of beer is. Yes, let us not hesitate from saying it; we�re all adults here. Flatulence. The sonic disruptor operated by creating a dense cloud of beer flatulence so strong, so powerful, that its sudden release would make the earth shake and blow snowy owls from treetops a thousand yards away from ground zero. But in order to do this you had to collect the beer flatulence in the giant bladder until it reached critical mass and achieved internal nuclear fission. The sound wave and subsequent shock wave of the sonic disruptor were calculated to leave a crater 400 yards wide, 60 feet deep, and set off an earthquake of approximately 9.3 on the Richter scale if only the Richter scale had been invented, which at that time it wasn't. And of course the sound would obliterate your eardrums, hence the weapon's name.

On the afternoon of the battle, with victory already assured, Harrison and his troops seized the sonic disruptor. They knew not how close they had come to flatulent annihilation themselves. I myself missed the battle, since sometime during the night I had apparently crawled off into the bushes and woke up about two in the afternoon with a screamer in my head so bad that I could only open one eye all that day and into the evening. And as a war correspondent I was quite neutral in how the battle was fought, but for some reason Harrison and his men thought I was some kind of hero for "tricking" the Shawnee into drinking the sonic disruptor's fuel supply. So hell, I played along. Thus is history written--and distorted, and legends made.
And again as SonofCarl noted, American troops dragged the sonic disruptor back to York, and intended to use it to scare the town into surrender. However, there was a problem. Over the course of time, the giant flatulence containment device--the sheep stomach bladder--had suffered greatly from gunshots and arrow strikes during the battle of Tippecanoe, and was in bad condition. As the Americans attempted to fire up the weapon, instead of containing the beer flatulence the giant bladder began to leak, setting fire to the city of York. The rest, as they say, is history. The British retaliated by sailing up the Chesapeake and attacking and burning Washington, D.C., and then Baltimore, where Francis Scott Key wrote the Star-Spangled Banner.
What is less well-known is what happened to the sonic disruptor after the sacking of York, Canada. American troops dragged what was left of the device--mainly its huge and heavy beer vat tank--back to the United States. They attempted to repair the giant bladder, and having no access to the special breed of Scottish sheep searched for a new kind of animal stomach lining with which to make a new bladder. Curiously and ironically, it was an Indian who suggested what became the solution. He said he knew of a tribe of Indians in the American Southwest who raised a special kind of goat whose stomach was so tough that it might do nicely as a material for the bladder. So the Americans sent an expedition into what is now New Mexico, and negotiated with the Hopi Indians to obtain several thousand head of their special mountain goats, with which to sew together a new containment bladder. This they did, and attached it to the sonic disruptor main tank. Transportation being such a problem, they decided to put the weapon on a riverboat and send it down the Mississippi to New Orleans, and then by clipper ship to Washington. (I last saw it as the riverboat departed, and I went back north to file my story. Oh fateful decision, that!). And you all know what happened next, but may not know the "why." During the voyage down the Mississippi, the sonic disruptor (which had been refilled with beer mixed with an especially potent blend of American-made moonshine) was constantly jostled by small wakes and waves on the river, and accidentally began to activate itself. The giant bladder began to fill with deadly beer and moonshine flatulence as the crew struggled in vain to figure out how to shut down the runaway reactor. A few miles north of New Madrid, Missouri, the giant Hopi cushion went critical and detonated. The result was the New Madrid earthquake, which scientists have retrospectively estimated to have been about 8.0 on the Richter Scale. The detonation and earthquake were so strong that the Mississippi temporarily reversed its course, and church bells in Boston rang due to the shock wave. The date was Feb. 7, 1812.

So that, bc and SonofCarl, is the never-before told story of the sonic disruptor and the New Madrid Earthquake. And I was there (well, not for the earthquake part).

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 24, 2006 12:45 AM

Curmudgeonette Asks For Pads

yellojkt — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:19:40 CDT

First posted here.

TBG, dmd and Pat-- just wait a little while longer, and then one day you'll get a call like this (as you are riding home on the bus, and loathe to talk either long or loud on your cellphone in front of 50 other people):
*ring*
Me: Hello?
Milestone (Plus 6 Months) Daughter (Curmudgeonette): Uh, dad, are you going to Safeway for anything?
Me: Uh, no, I wasn't planning on it. Why? [Knowing full well the stupidity of asking "Why" but doing it anyway.]
Curmudgeonette: Um, er, I need something.
Me: OK, what?
Curmudgeonette: Well...um...
Me: Hello? Did you hang up? Are you still there?
Curmudgeonette: I'm still here, dad.
Me: OK, What do you need?
Curmudgeonette: Ah, um, YOU know. *quieter* Some pads.
Me: Pads? *and then realizing the nearest 30 people have heard me*
Curmudgeonette: Uh huh.
Me: *Very quiet* What kind?
Curmudgeonette: What? I can't hear you.
Me: WHAT KIND?!!?
Curmudgeonette: I dunno. Any kind, I guess.
Me: [Disregarding the 47 smart-ass remarks I could make but won't with 30 eavesdroppers] Ask your mother.
Curmudgeonette: I don't think she has any.
Me: No, ask her what KIND!?!
Curmudgeonette: She's not home from work yet.
Me: Then how do you know she doesn't have any... oh never mind. What kind was the last box?
Curmudgeonette: I don't remember. Mom bought them.
Me: Well, call her, then.
Curmudgeonette: I did. They said she's in a meeting with a customer.
Me: Can't it wait until I get home and Mom gets home?
Curmudgeonette: Daaaaaaaaad, I really NEED 'em. Noooooowwww.
Me: Oh jeez. Don't you ever plan ahead for these things?
Curmudgeonette: I ran out. I used four already today. I don't have any more.
Me: *Squirming* Jeez, too much information! I don't wanna know about this stuff.
OK, what are we talking about here? Kotex, Tampex, some kinda Maxi mini pads with wings, no wings, ailerons, training wheels, regular, heavy-duty, menthol, smoking or non-smoking, scented, unscented, floral blossom, mountain spring, what? Help me out here; what do you want me to get?
Curmudgeonette:
Me: Hello? Hellooooooo???
Curmudgeonette: Never mind, dad.
Me: No, just tell me what kind. You called, you said it was an emergency. I just need some help here. What color was the package?
Curmudgeonette:
Me: Close your eyes and try to picture it.
Curmudgeonette: Green.
Me: Green. Okay, big or little? Was there a picture? A lady, flowers, something?
Curmudgeonette: It might have been, like, blue.
Me: *silent, but in my head: %#@%$#@&%$##%$$*
Curmudgeonette: Green.
Me: OK, let's try something else. Was it the tube kinda thing, with the string, or the giant band-aid kinda thing? *ignoring the woman seated next to me, a complete stranger, whose hands are over her eyes and her shoulders are shaking from silent laughter*
Curmudgeonette: Eeeeuuuuw, Daaaaaaaad, that's gross.
Me: OK, never mind. I'm a guy, I don't know about this stuff. Look, I'll stop at Safeway and get something, and you'll just have to be satisfied with whatever I get, all right?
Curmudgeonette: OK. Get, like, the one with 48 in it.
Me:
Curmudgeonette: Dad?
Me: 48? What's that, like, a two-year supply or something?
Curmudgeonette: Daaaaaaaaad.
Me: OK, OK, 48. You got it. I'll go through the express lane with a 30-pound box of lavender-scented giant band-aids. Nobody will notice. Do you need anything else?
Curmudgeonette: Um...
Me: What.
Curmudgeonette: Some root beer?
Me:
Curmudgeonette: Dad?
Me: I'll be home in half an hour.
Curmudgeonette: Thanks, dad.
Me: *click*

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 13, 2006 12:03 PM

Home

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 15:58:01 CDT

Welcome to the boodle wiki page. To get it started, I posted most of the results of yellojkt's survey (on the Questionnaire Results page; click on the link to the left.) I am aware that there are random omissions--hey, that's why this is a wiki, so I don't have to take full responsibility. If you see something missing, fill it in. If you see something wrong, correct it.

This is a public-access wiki page. By clicking on "EasyEdit" you can change, add, or delete content, attach files, upload images and so on.

Go wild, be creative, add your survey results if you haven't already posted them.

Have fun, and play nice!

--kbertocci

Go To Achenblog

Book Recommendations

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 07:43:42 CDT

1 1914 & Other Poems
1 2001: A Space Odyssey
1 A & P
1 A Burnt-Out Case and The End of the Affair
1 A Child's Garden of Verses
1 A Christmas Carol
1 A Clockwork Orange
1 A Confederacy Of Dunces
1 A Fan's Notes
1 A Gift From the Sea
1 A Jay's Tale
1 A la Recherche du Temps Perdu
1 A Lesson Before Dying
1 A Martian Odyessy
1 A Murder of Quality
1 A Pattern Language
1 A Perfect Day for Bananafish
1 A perfect spy
1 A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
1 A Prayer For Owen Meany
1 A Scanner Darkly
1 A Sense of Shelter
1 A Separate Peace
1 A Series of Unfortunate Events
1 A Small Town in Germany
1 A Star Called Henry
1 A Way You'll Never Be
1 Absolute Friends
1 Alexandria Quartet
1 Alice in Wonderland
1 Alice In Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass
1 All in the Family
1 Altered Carbon
1 Among Women
1 Angle of Repose
1 Animal Dreams
1 Animal Farm
1 Ann of Green Gables
1 Anthony Adverse
1 Any Shel Silverstein
1 Appointment in Samarra
1 Arrowsmith
1 At Swim Two Birds
1 Atlantic Fury
1 Atlas Shrugged
1 Atonement
1 Aubrey-Maturin
1 Autumn of the Patriarch
1 Bear Island
1 Beowulf
1 Big Two-Hearted River
1 Billy Bathgate
1 Blindness
1 Blood Meridian
1 Bluebeard
1 Book of the New Sun
1 Broken Angels
1 C.P. Snow's 10-novel series, "Strangers and Brothers"; if I had to pick, I'd rank them a) Homecomings b) Corridors of Power (possibly the best or second best political novel of all time) c) The Masters (best novel about British college politics) d) The Sleep of Reason e) Last Things
1 Call for the Dead
1 Cannery Row
1 Captain Underpants
1 Caravan to Vaccarès
1 Cat's Cradle
1 Catcher in the Rye
1 Christine
1 City On Fire
1 Clea
1 Colonel Butler's Wolf
1 Complete works of Ogden Nash
1 Complete works of Rudyard Kipling
1 Complete works of Tennyson
1 Complete works of Wilfred Owen
1 Confessions
1 Corelli's Mandolin
1 Cry, The Beloved Country
1 Curious incident of the dog at Midnight
1 Dark tower
1 Daughter of Time
1 Day of the Jackal
1 Dead Souls
1 Deadeye Dick
1 Death Comes for the Archbishop
1 Death in the Holy Orders
1 Deliverance
1 Der Butt
1 Der Prozess
1 Desire Under the Elms
1 Destination: Void
1 Diamond Age
1 Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep
1 Doctor Zhivago
1 Don Quixote
1 Dona Floras and her Two Husbands
1 Dr. Faustus
1 Epic of Gilgamesh
1 Eye of the Needle
1 Fathers and Sons
1 Faust
1 Fear is the Key
1 Felicia's Journey
1 Firestarter
1 Fletch
1 Flight of the Phoenix
1 Flynn
1 For Esme, with Love and Squalor
1 Foucault's Pendulum
1 Frankenstein
1 From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
1 Gaudy Night
1 Girl of the Limberlost
1 Good Behavoir
1 Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
1 Great Apes
1 Great Expectations
1 Grendel
1 Gros Câlin
1 Gulliver's Travels
1 Gunner Kelly
1 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
1 HMS Ulysses
1 Honorable Schoolboy
1 House of Sky
1 Howard's End
1 Howards End
1 Ice Station Zebra
1 In Football Season
1 In Search of Lost Time
1 Incident at Owl Creek Bridge
1 Islands in the Stream
1 James and the Giant Peach
1 Journals of Lewis and Clark
1 Jude the Obscure
1 Keeper of the Bees
1 L'Avalée des Avalés
1 Labyrinths
1 Lathe of Heaven
1 Laughing Man
1 Le Morte d'Arthur
1 Le roi des aulnes
1 Les Miserables
1 Les Mots
1 Les racines du ciel
1 Levkas Man
1 Libra
1 Lincoln
1 Lonesome Dove
1 Look Homeward, Angel
1 Lord Jim
1 Lord Of The Rings
1 Love in the Time of Cholera
1 Macbeth
1 Madam Bovary
1 Market Forces
1 Maus
1 Max Havelaar
1 Mediations of Julian of Norwich
1 Meijin (Master of Go)
1 Memoirs of a Geisha
1 Message to the Planet
1 Metaphysical Horror
1 Miss Piggly Wiggly
1 Moby Dick: Cliff Notes Edition
1 Moby-Dick
1 Mother Night
1 Mr. DeDaumier-Smith's Blue Period
1 My name is Asher Lev
1 Naked Lunch
1 Name of the Rose
1 Night Without End
1 Nine Coaches Waiting
1 Nine Horses
1 On the Beach
1 On the Road
1 Once and Future King
1 One day in the life of Ivan Denisovich
1 One Hundred Years of Solitude
1 Ordinary People
1 Our Man in Camelot
1 Our Town
1 Out
1 Paddington the Bear
1 Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha
1 Pale Fire
1 Paradise Lost
1 Paroles by Jacques Prevert
1 Pastwatch The Redemption of Christopher Columbus
1 Pattern Recognition
1 Pigs in Heaven
1 Poets of the First World War or The Penquin Book of World War I Poetry
1 Possession
1 Prince of Tides
1 Puppet on a Chain
1 Put Out More Flags
1 Quicksilver
1 Quiller
1 Repent, Harlequin! Said the Ticktockman
1 Rubiyat of Omar Khayyam
1 Rum Punch
1 Sailing Alone Around the Room
1 Samuel Taylor Coleridge
1 Samurai's Garden
1 Sector General
1 Serendipities: Language and Lunacy
1 Shabanu, Daughter of the Wind
1 Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea
1 Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber
1 Silverlock
1 Sister Carrie
1 Slaughter House Five
1 Small Town in Germany
1 Smiley's People
1 Something Wicked This Way Comes
1 Sons and Lovers
1 Sophie's Choice
1 Sound and the Fury
1 Startide Rising
1 Stukas Over Disneyland
1 Suite Francaise
1 Sunshine sketches of a Small Town
1 Tale of Two Cities
1 The 4th Bear
1 The 54 collected Sherlock Holmes
1 The 80-Yard Run
1 The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
1 The Agony and the Ecstasy
1 The Alexandria Quartet
1 The Americans
1 The Ascension Factor
1 The Aubrey & Maturin Series
1 The Bat
1 The Best of Robert Service
1 The Big Orange Splot
1 The Big Sleep
1 The Bone Setter's Daughter
1 The Botany of Desire
1 The Caine Mutiny
1 The Call of the Wild
1 The Canine Mutiny
1 The Canturbury Tales
1 The Cat In The Hat
1 The City Below
1 The complete sonnets-- Shakespeare
1 The Count of Monte Cristo
1 The Crucible
1 The Crystal Cave
1 The Crystal World
1 The Dalkey Archive
1 The Death of Iwan Illjitz
1 The Deerslayer
1 The Diamond Age
1 The Divine Comedy
1 The Diviners
1 The Dollhouse
1 The Doomed Oasis
1 The Dragons of Eden
1 The Dueling Machine
1 The Floating Opera
1 The Flounder
1 The Forgotten Soldier
1 The Fountainhead
1 The Four Gated City
1 The Girl in the Black Raincoat
1 The Giver
1 The Godfather
1 The Golden Rendezvous
1 The Good Earth
1 The Good Soldier
1 The Grand Sophy
1 The Grapes of Wrath
1 The Guns of Navarone
1 The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
1 The Heart of the Matter
1 The Heather Blazing
1 The Hobbit
1 The Hornblower series
1 The House of Mirth
1 The Hunt for Red October & Red Storm Rising
1 The Idiot
1 The Iliad
1 The Illustrated Man
1 The Invisible Man
1 The Island of the Day Before
1 The Jesus Incident
1 The Karamazov Brothers
1 The Killer Angels
1 The Kinsey Millhone Series
1 The Labyrinthe Makers
1 The Lady and the Unicorn
1 The Land God Gave to Cain
1 The Last Ship
1 The Lazarus Effect
1 The Left Hand of Darkness
1 The Little Prince
1 The Long Goodbye
1 The Lovely Bones
1 The Lymond Chronicles
1 The Master
1 The Master and Margueritta
1 The Mayor of Casterbridge
1 The Member of the Wedding
1 The Ministry of Fear
1 The Narnia Chronicles
1 The New Interns
1 The New Testament
1 The Odessey
1 The Old Man and the Sea
1 The Old Vengeful
1 The Plague Dogs
1 The Poor Mouth
1 The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
1 The Quiet American
1 The Red and the Green
1 The Red Badge of Courage
1 The Red Tent
1 The Scarlet Letter
1 The Secret Ways
1 The Sheltering Sky
1 The Silmarillion
1 The Sky, The Stars, The Wilderness
1 The Sleepwalkers
1 The Sneetches and Other Stories
1 The Snow Leopard
1 The Source
1 The Spy Came in From the Cold
1 The stories of Anton Chekhov
1 The Striker Portfolio
1 The Strode Venturer
1 The Sun Also Rises
1 The Swiss Family Robinson
1 The Tango Briefing
1 The Thin Man
1 The Third Man
1 The Third Polceman
1 The Thought Gang
1 The Three Magi
1 The Three Musketeers
1 The Time Machine
1 The Wall
1 The Wars
1 The Watsons go to Birmingham, 1963
1 The World According to Garp
1 The Wreck of the Mary Deare
1 Time's Arrow
1 Torch Song
1 Treasure Island
1 Tristam Shandy
1 Tristram Shandy
1 True Confessions
1 Trustee from the Tool Room
1 Twelve Angry Men
1 Up In Michigan
1 Up In the Old Hotel
1 Voyage au bout de la nuit
1 Waiting for Godot
1 When Eight Bells Toll
1 White Noise
1 Whom the Gods Would Destroy
1 Wild Sheep Chase
1 Wings of Fire.
1 Woken Furies
1 World According to Garp
1 Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values
2 1984
2 All Quiet on the Western Front
2 Best of Penthouse Forum
2 Black Robe
2 Burr
2 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
2 Crime and Punishment
2 Dracula
2 Focault's Pendulum
2 For Whom the Bell Tolls
2 Green Eggs and Ham
2 Hamlet
2 Heart of Darkness
2 His Dark Materials
2 Holes
2 Huckleberry Finn
2 MacBeth
2 Middlemarch
2 Oryx and Crake
2 Other Paths to Glory
2 Rabbit, Run
2 Rendezvous Rama
2 Sirens of Titan
2 Slaughterhouse Five
2 Slaughterhouse-Five
2 The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
2 The Andromeda Strain
2 The Blind Assassin
2 The Chosen
2 The Handmaids Tale
2 The Laughing Man
2 The Maltese Falcon
2 The Name of the Rose
2 The Red and the Black
2 The Winds of War
2 Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
2 Treason
2 Vanity Fair
2 Where the Wild Things Are
3 A Prayer for Owen Meany
3 A Wrinkle in Time
3 Advise and Consent
3 Anna Karenina
3 Anne of Green Gables
3 Bright Lights, Big City
3 Flowers for Algernon
3 Little Women
3 Lolita
3 Lord of the Flies
3 Lord of the Rings
3 Madame Bovary
3 Moby Dick
3 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
3 Persuasion
3 Pride and Prejudice
3 Snow Crash
3 The Brothers Karamazov
3 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
3 The Lord of the Rings
3 The Plague
4 Brave New World
4 Dune
4 Motherless Brooklyn
4 The Foundation Trilogy
4 The Odyssey
4 The Tin Drum
4 War and Peace
5 Catch-22
5 Ender's Game
5 To Kill a Mockingbird
5 Watership Down
6 The Great Gatsby

Posted by ivansmom 1/19/07:

RD recommends: I am now reading Aristotle's Children. It is fascinating stuff about the influence of Aristotle's rediscovery on Europe during the late Middle Ages.

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kbertocci recommends: The Woman at the Washington Zoo: Writings on Politics, Family, and Fate, by Marjorie Williams

Ms. Williams writes about motherhood, feminism, politics, and culture, with insight, humor and an amazing intelligence. Her profiles of people in positions of power are fascinating in their detail and analysis. This very personal book is an opportunity to glimpse an extraordinary woman, who faced up to the ultimate test of character and saw it through with grace and wit.

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Best of the Boodle

kbertocci — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 11:57:41 CST

Back when we were young, silly in-love newlyweds, I asked Mr. Nani if he thought I was sexy and he responded "sometimes". Of course I wanted to knew when, thinking it was the evening I wore my new negligee or something of that nature. To my surprise, he said it was during the week he'd been teaching me how to play chess. Well, he explained that during our very first real game, mano y muerto, no hints or help from him, he looked at my face, concentrating, deep in study of the board(I so wanted to win). When he noticed tiny droplets of perspiration on my upper lip, he wanted to brush the board and pieces off the table in one felt swoop, take me in his arms and so on and so forth. (blush). Yes I won the game probably because I broke his concentration. Posted by: Nani | March 8, 2006 10:55 AM (submitted by kbertocci)

I'm personally not in favor of guns. I've fired my share- rifles, shotguns, handguns, even a cap and ball pistol once, but don't expect to ever shoot another. I worked in a medical school for nine years. During that time I worked in four different hospitols and the state medical examiner's office. I saw children shot by their parents, parents shot by their children, children shot by other children. I saw hunting accidents, gun cleaning accidents, guys shot by jealous husbands (and wives), store clerks shot in robbery attempts, drive bys, military wounds at the VA, cops shot by the bad guys and bad guys shot by the cops, and suicides, lots of suicides. Got a problem? Sick? Lonely? Mad? Impotent? Stick a gun in your mouth, under your chin, to your temple, over your heart(that's the one that's hard to hit). Pull the trigger with a string, with your finger, with your toe. After nine years I left that job and I am not in favor of guns.
Posted by: kurosawaguy | July 6, 2005 10:09 AM (submitted by kbertocci)

Movie Recommendations/Reviews

kbertocci — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 07:37:36 CST

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